Eating Issues

While in therapy (which I am no longer in fyi) it was easy to discuss the elephant in the room: my self harm. The stress of college and my struggle with perfectionism were also easy targets. Even in the privacy of therapy though I could not openly discuss certain things. I have always seen myself as strong and I wanted any faults of character to be ones of strength. Perfectionism, pressure to succeed, competitiveness. While most would agree that when taken to excess they are detrimental, they are still qualities that people admire. Even self loathing and criticism is accepted without a second glance. One thing that I could never bring myself to discuss was my eating habits. To talk about food and the desire to be thin would mean admitting that I am subject to societies perceptions of beauty. It would be admitting defeat. My frequent binges would be admitting weakness. The way I feel powerless around food and my desire to control it all feel like an admission of my worst flaws. To me, talking about my eating issues had a certain air of pathetic about it. I am not underweight nor overweight and thus, it cannot be serious. It does not warrant attention. My food issues still feel like something to be brushed aside with the rest of the teenage-girl-esqe gossip. My self harm on the other hand now THAT was a serious issue worth talking about. Visible and concrete and in need of immediate attention. But at present my food issues have become the largest source of distress.